“It comes from our past, centuries ago, a legacy from our history of ruler and ruled, when democracy was something known by few, practiced by fewer even longer ago: being obedient to your “betters” was the line between life and death. In those days it was of prime importance that children learned to be subservient to the will of those in charge, so they learned to obey their elders; it meant survival.
Today we continue those practices that create subservient citizens. Like all cultural practices, we blindly pass this on from generation to generation. However, social and political conditions have radically changed over the centuries and those old ways are not only of no use, they are positively harmful. Rather than learning the skills needed to be a successful citizen in a country based on freedom, instead of spending the growing up years practicing and mastering those skills, our children and teenagers learn to be obedient to other human beings, maybe even thoroughly dependent on their guidance and approval. Our children and teenagers practice suppressing their needs even when it hurts them, or they practice getting what they want, not caring who else gets hurt, just as their adult models do.”*
Long ago democracy was practiced in a limited way in Greece. There may be other examples from man’s history, but many cultures practiced ruler-ruled models of government. Today our many of our parenting practices stem from ruler-ruled systems of government:
-
parents are in charge
-
kids are not emancipated, meaning they are….
With these parenting practices, kids (short for children and teens) learn either to obey or to resist obeying. If they learn to obey, they say ‘how high’ when ‘the authority’ says ‘jump.’ There is a great risk in following any ‘authority’, wherever they may lead. They may lead you over a cliff.
There is also the danger of letting everyone else do your thinking and decision-making for you, your parents, your teachers, your boss, you spouse, your… Maybe they will decide things that are in your best interest and maybe they won’t.
If kids learn to resist obeying, the emphasis is on resisting. They may not discriminate between good and bad ideas and leaders, they may just be into resisting for resisting’s sake. It may not start out that way, but may easily end up that way, as a habit, as a way of life. Great citizens may be lost to a life of resisting.
Another danger of this ruler-ruled form of parenting, is that it gets copied. That means, bullies. And it starts young. If a child’s model is always in charge and willing to do whatever it takes to assert their authority, that is what the child does with those younger and weaker (as they are younger and weaker than their parent). And we call it bullying.
Another serious danger of ruler-ruled parenting is that when you give another person the power to decide what you will do with your precious life energy, you lose touch with the part of your being that brings fulfillment and is meant to be the decision-maker. People in this situation feel empty and unfulfilled. Kids raised with the Power of Respect do not run this risk or any of the others mentioned.
* From the book Parenting for the New Millennium and the ebooks Parenting with the Power of Respect & Teens and the Power of Respect by Karen Ryce available at www.parentchildteacher.com
kvryce