Forgive Yourself: A Power of Respect Skill

Forgive Yourself: A Power of Respect Skill

What does forgiveness mean and how do I forgive myself for harming my child? I think I know how to forgive myself. I think I have forgiven myself, but every time I think of certain situations, I feel like crying. I feel like I deserve to suffer for having caused suffering.

I know and understand and believe that everyone does the best they can ‘given the circumstances (their abilities, understanding…)’. Why does that not include me?

These are things that happened many years ago. Many, many good, loving actions happened since any of these…so what’s my problem?

I just looked up forgiveness and pardon. They are connected with no longer feeling anger and no longer feeling the need to punish someone. So, if I have forgiven myself, why do I feel pain when these thoughts come to my mind?

Maybe pain will always be associated with these memories, and my work now is to focus on thoughts that bring me joy. Sure, I have done things that caused my beloved children to suffer. Hopefully I never again do such things, but now, in order to ensure that I don’t, I need to think and do what makes me feel joy.

So what role does forgiveness play? Forgiving myself? At the moment I am thinking: forgiveness allows me to recognize that I have caused suffering even though I was doing the best that I could; learn from this so that I do not repeat this; let thoughts of this go; focus only on what brings me joy.

Forgiveness allows me to stop being angry with myself and stop punishing myself and to get on with feeling joy, happiness, peace, love, excitement, harmony, bliss.

This is good enough for me for now.

The Power of Respect Helps Democracy

“Practicing Democracy: Our Children’s Right to Equal Rights

 

During this time the ideas of freedom and democracy are taking a strong hold in the world: freedom to know yourself, to be yourself, the power to affect your life, politically, socially, and personally; who can resist desiring those experiences once they are known to be a possibility? This awareness can even result in the dissolution of political boundaries and the formation of new ones. It is natural that our kids, having been born into a democratic country would be affected by the climate of personal freedom. It is natural that they are shocked and confused once they realize they are not treated as equal citizens of this marvelous country. It is an irrational encumbrance from the past that all citizens do not enjoy “liberty and justice for all.” It is by valuing and considering the needs of each and every citizen that democratic countries and their citizens can safeguard the liberty and justice which is prized so highly.”*

 

Note: I hope you all realize that any mention of democratic refers to democracy, not the Democratic Party. (This note is included because some people misunderstood the use of the word democratic.)

 

Can you see how ideal the Power of Respect is to raise the kind of citizens we need in a strong, healthy democracy…citizens who know how to cooperate…citizens who have good self-esteem…citizens who know how to get what they want WITHOUT stepping on others to get it…citizens who know that they can make a difference…citizens who enjoy helping others…citizens who know how to excel…citizens who naturally do what they love, and love what they do…citizens who know how to make wise decisions…

 

These reasons and more seem to me to be enough to make the Power of Respect the foundation of how we, in a democracy, raise our children. It only needs to be the foundation to be effective. It is simple. It is easy. It is well worth doing.

 

*From Parenting with the Power of Respect

 

The Harm Of Non-Democratic Parenting Practices

“It comes from our past, centuries ago, a legacy from our history of ruler and ruled, when democracy was something known by few, practiced by fewer even longer ago: being obedient to your “betters” was the line between life and death. In those days it was of prime importance that children learned to be subservient to the will of those in charge, so they learned to obey their elders; it meant survival.

 

Today we continue those practices that create subservient citizens. Like all cultural practices, we blindly pass this on from generation to generation. However, social and political conditions have radically changed over the centuries and those old ways are not only of no use, they are positively harmful. Rather than learning the skills needed to be a successful citizen in a country based on freedom, instead of spending the growing up years practicing and mastering those skills, our children and teenagers learn to be obedient to other human beings, maybe even thoroughly dependent on their guidance and approval. Our children and teenagers practice suppressing their needs even when it hurts them, or they practice getting what they want, not caring who else gets hurt, just as their adult models do.”*

 

Long ago democracy was practiced in a limited way in Greece. There may be other examples from man’s history, but many cultures practiced ruler-ruled models of government. Today our many of our parenting practices stem from ruler-ruled systems of government:

 

• parents are in charge
• kids are not emancipated, meaning they are….

With these parenting practices, kids (short for children and teens) learn either to obey or to resist obeying. If they learn to obey, they say ‘how high’ when ‘the authority’ says ‘jump.’ There is a great risk in following any ‘authority’, wherever they may lead. They may lead you over a cliff.

 

There is also the danger of letting everyone else do your thinking and decision-making for you, your parents, your teachers, your boss, you spouse, your… Maybe they will decide things that are in your best interest and maybe they won’t.

 

If kids learn to resist obeying, the emphasis is on resisting. They may not discriminate between good and bad ideas and leaders, they may just be into resisting for resisting’s sake. It may not start out that way, but may easily end up that way, as a habit, as a way of life. Great citizens may be lost to a life of resisting.

 

Another danger of this ruler-ruled form of parenting, is that it gets copied. That means, bullies. And it starts young. If a child’s model is always in charge and willing to do whatever it takes to assert their authority, that is what the child does with those younger and weaker (as they are younger and weaker than their parent). And we call it bullying.

 

Another serious danger of ruler-ruled parenting is that when you give another person the power to decide what you will do with your precious life energy, you lose touch with the part of your being that brings fulfillment and is meant to be the decision-maker. People in this situation feel empty and unfulfilled. Kids raised with the Power of Respect do not run this risk or any of the others mentioned.

 

* From the book Parenting for the New Millennium and the ebooks Parenting with the Power of Respect & Teens and the Power of Respect by Karen Ryce available at www.parentchildteacher.com

“Raising A Democratic Citizen”*

I am intending to write a series of posts on this subject. Not only is it timely with everyone thinking about politics in this country, but it seems to be an overlooked issue, as you will discover…..

 

“In a thriving democracy, citizens must have the ability to think for themselves, to make wise decisions which contribute to the well-being of the nation; for the whole to be strong, the parts must be strong.

 

It is important that the citizens have a strong sense of self-worth, believing that their contribution to the whole is important and valuable, otherwise why participate, why bother to vote?

 

When people with self-respect contribute, they tend to do their best; the excellence of their efforts adds to the richness of the nation.

 

Democracy is a government “of the people, by the people, and for the people.””*

 

How many people think of children while they are thinking of politics? How many include the thinking of children in their political conversations, except for baby-kissing?

 

Who are going to be the voters of the future? Who are going to be the adults in our democracy? Might it not be a good idea to give some thought to these citizens, to help them become the best quality citizens we can?

 

The Power of Respect helps this happen. When it is the foundation, children:

are given the opportunity to be part of the decision-making process of the household

• get to practice making decisions as part of the family group
• learn decision-making skills
• learn what to do when a decision doesn’t work for those involved
• learn to get what they need in harmony with others
• experience the satisfaction of helping others get what they need
• through practice, learn to make wise, efficient decisions

Political apathy has been an affliction for our democracy. The statistics seem much higher than they used to be, but on average only 64% of the voting population vote. Imagine if everyone voted wisely…

 

When the Power of Respect is the foundation, children:

• feel good about themselves because they play an important role in the family
• feel safe because decisions won’t be made that they don’t like
• respect themselves because their loved ones respect them and their contributions
• enjoy being an important part of a decision making group
• happily do their best to cooperate with the group efforts 

“Wouldn’t NOW be a good time”** to start using the Power of Respect with your children or children you know or work with?

 

* From the book: Parenting for the New Millennium and the ebooks: Parenting with the Power of Respect & Teens and the Power of Respect by Karen Ryce at  http://www.parentchildteacher.com

** James Arthur Ray – if you ever get a chance to hear him, go for it!  http://jamesray.com

The Abusive Dad (not what I intended for my next post, but…)

I intended to write on another subject for my next posting or series of postings, but I came across what I wrote in response to a situation that upset me. I am sharing it with you. I’m modifying it slightly.

                The Abusive Dad

Did you intend to turn into an abusive father?
Hurting your sweet son, as you were hurt.

Did you know you have turned into an abusive father?
Maybe you think you are reasonable, not abusive
as your step-father was. Not hurting as you were hurt.

You are hurting them.
You are hurting them when you say things that cause your sons to feel bad.

You are hurting them.
You are hurting them when you do things that cause your sons to feel bad,
like violently throwing Charmander.

You re hurting them.
You are hurting him when you pull your small son by his ear,
causing redness that lasts, and lasts.

You are hurting him.
What hurts do you do when no one is watching?

Please remember the hurt you suffered.
Please remember each little hurt and all the big ones.

Is that what you want to do to your children?
You may think that you are doing no such harm.

You are wrong.

Please, please, for your love of your children…
…Wish to do no harm;
…Wish to develop patience,
understanding, compassion.

For the sake of your children…
Please cease doing harm.

This is going to be short

I’m tired after the first day of a workshop with John Assaraf and One Coach. He was in The Secret. It is fantastic!

I have exciting things to share , but it might have to wait until this is over on Monday.

Best Wishes,

Karen Ryce

Audio Interview: Kid Trouble And The Power of Respect

Please forgive me for having the same content on this blog and on the Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting blog. I want to make sure that everyone who might like to hear this, gets a chance to listen. I promise, I do not intend to make a practice of this…

I thought I could add the mp3 audio I have of a BlogTalkRadio interview of me by Sharon Capehart. I belong to her forum and I love it! She is all into empowering women. You can check out her site at http://www.positivelywomen.com

Well, it seems that I can’t put the audio on the blog. Or if I can, I don’t know how to do it…so…click on the link below and it will take you to the page on my site where I do have it available.

http://www.parentchildteacher.com/interview.html

 Below is a letter I sent out to a lot of people. It inspired the title for the radio interview, so I thought I’d include it here:

 

Why is there so much kid-trouble today? Because we have so many troubled kids. Let’s end kid-trouble. NOW.

 

I have the cure for kid-trouble. I have the recipe for the cure and can teach that recipe. Use it and kid-trouble is a thing of the past.

 

This cure does not supplant any other positive parenting solutions, it enhances them. It makes them successful. It exalts them.

 

The cure is the foundation on which every other positive parenting method or approach needs to rest to be successful. It is the fail-safe.

 

Let me share it with you and put an end to kid-trouble.

 

 

My work is called the Power of Respect^SM.

• It is the missing piece in the education and parenting puzzle.
• It brings out the best in children, teens, parents and teachers.
• Use the Power of Respect^SM, and everyone gets to have a good time, feel important and loved.
• It is simple and easy to do.
• Everyone who tries the Power of Respect^SM loves it.
• Even three-year-olds can easily master it.
• For months a pre-school child has potty accidents. He is introduced to a strategy from the Power of Respect^SM. Within 2 weeks, no more accidents.
• A father and his seven-year-old daughter are always conflicting. They reluctantly participate in a strategy from the Power of Respect^SM.  Within minutes they have solved all their conflicts and never fight with each other again.
• “It’s every parent’s dream come true.” (quote from young woman first exposed to its possibilities)

 

It is my specialty, my mission, my passion.

 

I have been working with this for the past 37+ years. I’ve spent more than 21 of those years as a teacher in a classroom. I started a Montessori school in northern California in 1973 and got it funded by the State of California. Both the school and the funding continue to this day. I’ve written two books on the subject of mutual respect and put this information into three ebooks. I’ve given talks, workshops and classes on creating mutual respect. I recently created a Power of Respect Mini-Course that you can get free, if you sign up at http://www.parentchildteacher.com .

 

Books:

Parenting for the New Millennium

Karen Ryce’s Column Book: The Power of Respect

 

Ebooks:

Teens and the Power of Respect

Karen Ryce’s Column Book: The Power of Respect

Parenting with the Power of Respect

Websites:

www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com

www.parentchildteacher.com

 

I am a master at what I do.

 

I look forward to sharing the Power of Respect^SM with you.

 

Respectfully,

 

Karen Ryce

 

The Power of Respect^SM Education & Parenting

Karen Ryce

The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting

702-363-5564

3721 Deer Flats St.

Las Vegas, NV 89129

kvryce@parentchildteacher.com

http://www.parentchildteacher.com

http://www.besthelpfortroubledteens.com